And now, it really starts to burn;
She's got nowhere left to turn
All alone in her fairy-tale world
But no wants a broken doll; no-one wants a broken girl.
She realises that he's gone
But she's getting tired of 'one leaves and another comes along'
Could no-one see what he meant to her?
The battle scars were bleeding first
But he silenced her cries of war;
'Peace on earth forever more'
Now the blood dries on his hands
Reality returns and the pain still stands
How many hours that have passed she can't comprehend?
She knows it's a begginning but she's lost at the end
Memories are forgotten but the facts don't change
Now that he's gone, she can't be saved.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
11 Jan 07 / 2:56am
So what do I want out of life? I want what everyone wants. Money, power, adventure, intoxication and a predictable yet happy ending. And what’s so wrong with that? I guess the fact I always want it to come with sex and pain and destruction kind of puts a different swing on it. Every part of my world is changed.
I don’t want just love, I want a lover with whom I can share pain, not just physically, but emotionally. Someone who shares my anger and hate. What is love when it’s not burning with a fiery passion? For example, Mikey and Malorie in Natural Born Killers, Spike and Buffy in BTVS, Manson and that girl from Thirteen in his video for Heart Shaped Glasses. God, Spike and Buffy, that’s a beautiful thing. Wrong. All sexual. In one instance rape. Always hate and unhappiness. He’s sexually aggressive (not to mention, James Marsters, totally hot, there’s this scene where he’s putting his trousers on, it’s a *really* hot scene) and evil, but he’s turned into a puppy dog by love. And she just can’t bear to turn away, because she needs that to feel wanted, to feel alive, to feel anything. Beautiful. That’s what I’d want. I’d be the Buffy of the story, so to speak. I wish I had someone who made me feel alive. Not just sex – not even just really good sex, because I’ve had some fucking incredible sex in my time – but something to make me feel alive. Something that makes me feel dead.
I don’t want family, in the strictest sense. I want *someone*. Someone who comes into my world and saves me. God I can’t stop falling. I’m just getting worse. In the conventional sense, I guess I’d be called evil. In my mind it’d be a guy, older, someone I could trust. A friend. Someone who’d always pull through for me in times of trouble. Psychologically, I suppose I’ve got father-figure issues.
I spend money and use drugs like there’s no tomorrow. It’s lucky I’m so fucking alone. If I had access to really hard drugs, or guns, or gangs... I wouldn’t stand a chance of turning my back and functioning in the real world. My evil side would just take over. I’d love it.
I push people away because they bore me. Even the ones that think they’re all it, they bore me. The real fun isn’t out on the streets, it isn’t partying and fucking and drinking and shopping. Sure, that stuff is fun – never been much for the partying but fucking and drinking and shopping are definitely my thing – but it’s still nothing. God these children that play on the streets and call themselves soldiers, they make me so damn angry. I prefer my world a little darker. I can’t find it in this world. And they’ve never seen the world I love. It’s actual power. It’s actual pain.
But hey, who wants someone who wants to see the world burn, who wants to feel pain, who wants to be dominated, who is totally insane and yet aware of it, someone who is delusional, who is a nymphomaniac, who is a drug addict and a bitch, cold-hearted and angry? Who would want to play with a girl like me? Who would want to fuck a girl like me the way she likes it? Who would want to help a girl like me? Who would want to save her?
I don’t want just love, I want a lover with whom I can share pain, not just physically, but emotionally. Someone who shares my anger and hate. What is love when it’s not burning with a fiery passion? For example, Mikey and Malorie in Natural Born Killers, Spike and Buffy in BTVS, Manson and that girl from Thirteen in his video for Heart Shaped Glasses. God, Spike and Buffy, that’s a beautiful thing. Wrong. All sexual. In one instance rape. Always hate and unhappiness. He’s sexually aggressive (not to mention, James Marsters, totally hot, there’s this scene where he’s putting his trousers on, it’s a *really* hot scene) and evil, but he’s turned into a puppy dog by love. And she just can’t bear to turn away, because she needs that to feel wanted, to feel alive, to feel anything. Beautiful. That’s what I’d want. I’d be the Buffy of the story, so to speak. I wish I had someone who made me feel alive. Not just sex – not even just really good sex, because I’ve had some fucking incredible sex in my time – but something to make me feel alive. Something that makes me feel dead.
I don’t want family, in the strictest sense. I want *someone*. Someone who comes into my world and saves me. God I can’t stop falling. I’m just getting worse. In the conventional sense, I guess I’d be called evil. In my mind it’d be a guy, older, someone I could trust. A friend. Someone who’d always pull through for me in times of trouble. Psychologically, I suppose I’ve got father-figure issues.
I spend money and use drugs like there’s no tomorrow. It’s lucky I’m so fucking alone. If I had access to really hard drugs, or guns, or gangs... I wouldn’t stand a chance of turning my back and functioning in the real world. My evil side would just take over. I’d love it.
I push people away because they bore me. Even the ones that think they’re all it, they bore me. The real fun isn’t out on the streets, it isn’t partying and fucking and drinking and shopping. Sure, that stuff is fun – never been much for the partying but fucking and drinking and shopping are definitely my thing – but it’s still nothing. God these children that play on the streets and call themselves soldiers, they make me so damn angry. I prefer my world a little darker. I can’t find it in this world. And they’ve never seen the world I love. It’s actual power. It’s actual pain.
But hey, who wants someone who wants to see the world burn, who wants to feel pain, who wants to be dominated, who is totally insane and yet aware of it, someone who is delusional, who is a nymphomaniac, who is a drug addict and a bitch, cold-hearted and angry? Who would want to play with a girl like me? Who would want to fuck a girl like me the way she likes it? Who would want to help a girl like me? Who would want to save her?
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